How I came to be a Coach.

A foundation is laid, and a journey, as yet undefined, begins.

In the beginning.
The journey begins with a conversation I had with the first love of my life, my loving, supportive, courageous, kind and wise Mother, in my bedroom back in grade nine.

As far back as I can remember, in the early 80’s, I wanted to be a guidance counsellor. Moreover, I wanted to help young people avoid the pains and trauma of growing up as I did. I wanted to support them to see the world differently and, in my mind, create a way to help them avoid the pain and struggle so many young people are forced to endure and so often on their own.

It is not that I did not grow up in a loving family; I had parents who loved me in their own way, but this love was so often overshadowed by beliefs my parents held about what it meant to parent and to be a son. Mostly, this meant doing what I was told, never questioning anything and being quiet. Disagreement was not allowed or tolerated. It was their way or the highway. There was alot of, because I said so! And this led to much suffering, which I hoped to help others avoid.

Early Steps
That said, while still in school, one of my early jobs was as an educational assistant working with developmentally challenged kids. By now, I had realized that the bureaucracy of working within the educational system was not for me, but I could not escape the desire to help, so there I was.

What stands out is the simplicity of the needs these kids had. Despite their sometimes significant challenges, they all deserved a life as free and complete as they could manage. They deserved love and to be treated with dignity. They deserved to have their voice, as it was, heard. My role was to facilitate this. Whether it was helping them to learn to dress or keeping them safe from harm either at their own hands or inadvertently at the hands of others, being able to support and nurture their growth meant the world to me. I hated the system; I loved the work.

One of the greatest successes was the most straightforward task for most; we had been working on it for a while. Tie your shoes. Day by day, we would work on this little bit of freedom. Tie your shoes. Make an ex, make bunny ears, around and around, loop and pull. Again and again until one day, we nailed it. I no longer remember the student’s name, but I will never forget the feeling of success we shared. The smile on his face showed a realization of a task completed and a challenge conquered.

Possibility Emerges
This sums up my work. Be patient, be there, and show up in a kind-hearted, loving and compassionate manner. See them as people who desired to be all of what they could be. Sometimes, it meant safety checking an area as a severely epileptic child had a grand mal seizure; sometimes, it meant calming the kids in the class who witnessed these episodes. Sometimes, it meant accompanying a child with severe turrets into class, and sometimes, it meant accompanying the same child to the safe place the school had created in an old janitor’s closet in a refrigerator box we decorated and reading to them as they calmed down.

Being an Educational Assistant helped open my eyes to what was possible and how deserving everyone is of opportunity. As it turns out, I did not stay in education. The time I spent near it informs my life and relationships and helped lay the groundwork for my approach to coaching to this day.

Show up with love and compassion, and good things happen.