Help is a four letter word.

“You get whatever you think.” Duh! I know this!  Well I thought I did.

I got it when it came to the creation of my own sadness, anger, expectations, disappointment or let’s call it “something negative”  I got it when it was about my happiness, love, kindness or let’s call it something positive.  If it was about me and the reality that I create for myself, it was clear. I am the creator of my own reality.

What I have been missing is that you are also a part of the reality that I am creating for myself.

Lately I have been looking around and seeing a lot of suffering. I saw you not really living the best most beautiful life you could. How arrogant of me.  You are doing your very best in every moment.  How I see you is “up to me” how you see yourself is “up to you.”  So why do I see you suffering?

I thought I had something to share, something to impart some wisdom that you would use to make your own life as rich as mine.  How arrogant of me.

My own life is amazing, I have never felt more whole, never more at peace, never laughed more and never cried more. My life is on cruise control, highway is empty, music is on and the top is down. Life is a miracle and yet I see suffering everywhere. Why? I wanted my life for you. How arrogant of me.

“Here to help” had become my personal mantra. Who I think I am had played a trick on who I am.  I had become confused. I was here to help, wasn’t I? That’s good right? That is noble?

The problem became “here to help” itself.  Focusing on this required someone in need. Well, this is where you came in. I wanted to help you so I had to find you some suffering. Can’t help someone who isn’t suffering, can you? My desire to help had become external. I, wanted to help. I saw suffering because I had focused on helping and focusing on helping meant that others had to be suffering they had to be broken, right?

In my desire to help I stopped seeing you as a miracle  I saw you as an opportunity. I meant well but I missed the mark.

In my desire to help I lost sight of me, I lost sight of my purpose which is to simply live, same as yours.

How arrogant of me to think you needed help.

I am sorry!