Control and the fact we just don’t have it. (adult language)
April 1, 2019
❤.2 on control.
A few months ago after finishing my coaching duties with our 7 am class I watched my good friend and client die.
We had finished training around 8 am, some tire flips, farmers carries, kettle bell swings, squats, stuff we had done many times before. 14 or so minutes of hard work outside as the sun sorted the day.
At the end of class, as everyone was washing up, hands filthy from the tire flips, I paused and took a photo of a group of four members that had been chatting together. It was a beautiful shot. Jeff and three women smiling ear to ear and holding up their dirty hands, arms around each others waists.
That was the last picture of Jeff ever taken. He was dead of a massive heart attack 5 minutes later.
So what the fuck, right? That morning I understood that I was not in control of Jack Shit.
I knew there was nothing I could do. The ambulance was there within minutes. One of the first responders was a friend of mine. He later told me that he knew Jeff was dead as soon as he saw him.
I watched as Jeff took his last breaths and there was no panic, no fear, no, guilt, nothing other than the realization that we are not in control. I watched “Jeff” leave his form and I wondered, what was next? Was Jeff back to the Universal energy of all life? If so, fucking awesome and bloody cool.
The rest of the day was spent in and out of the most amazing feelings I have ever had. Some so powerful, so full of compassion and sadness but also simultaneously filled with the most intense sense of joy and love. I knew these feelings came from outside of my personal thinking. These feelings felt thick, tangible like the energy that radiates around a Tai Chi master when they move. They were alive, enveloped me had, mass and they mattered. They came directly from Mind.
In contrast I also had feelings of fear and anxiety. These came from the personal mind, my intellectual mind. Thoughts of “will I be sued, will I lose my gym, will people hear that somebody died outside of Mikes gym and stop coming out? Did I do anything wrong? Was I responsible?” These thoughts and their corresponding feelings had no weight, no mass, they were of no value and had no meaning. They did not impact my life they had no effect, they had no aliveness to them. They were not worth a second thought.
What I concluded that day was that any control that we think we have is an illusion noticed, and desired only in the times we stray from Universal Mind❤